Hoping Wishing and Praying

I'm hoping for the soonest time possible, the earliest time possible for glenn's embarkation because I can't wait to restart my life and start anew! My life for 9 or 7 years has been so missed up! and this time is our/my chance to rebuild. I'm hoping wishing and praying that everything goes well from glenn's health to glenn's documents to glenn's visa interview to glenn's date of embarkation! Everything Everything... All this Lord I offer to you. Amen!

deep inside

deep inside, i'm happy that i got married
deep inside, i'm happy that i got a good man
deep inside, i'm happy that i'm officially a wife
deep inside, i'm glad that despite the imperfect love i have for my husband, he's always there to understand, accept and would continue to love.

i love you Glenn and thank you for your love...

Low day

I suddenly felt really low and depressed. It's not okay to feel this way, it really ruined my day and worst! affects my health considering that I'm still in the process of coping up from flu. This is because I'm so disappointed with myself seeing some people out there able to adjust, live happily and were able to move on. Unlike me who's stuck with all these pressures in life and with these people around me not ever supportive which could really have a negative effect in me. I guess no one could ever understand me except myself and at this time no one could tap my back to say "hey it'll be okay" except me. I need to be alone and reflect and I need to encourage myself that if they're able to move on so can I! "Yes, I can!". As, i read the mag today it says: "Having a mindset that you are stressed/depressed can make your skin look sallow and lackluster" so "Keep It Positive", "Detoxify Yourself From Negativity" "Maintain A Positive Outlook Makes You Exude Confidence" (necessary component of being beautiful) "Feed Your Mind, Body & Soul with Positive Things" and "Yes,You Can!"......

my random guide

glowing skin
exercise
eat fruits vegetables milk
wash face 2-3 times a day for a smooth glowing skin and to keep away from blackheads enlarge pores and pimples

How to Find Peace in Madness is to MEDITATE

*breathe deeply inhale exhale
* visualize... think of places that makes u happy and calm
*reapeat a calming statement "im peaceful and will succeed

nude make up
bronze powder
lipgloss colored beige brown
eyeliner


to fall in love:
have your "ME" time
reconnect with girlfriends releases megadoses of oxytocin, a bonding hormone in your brain that helps you feel connected

LIFE REBOOT

These maybe the right reasons why i live in the past:

*You may be living in your past because you’re using it as an excuse for the bad aspects of your present life.

I’ve known people who claimed that their neglected upbringing was responsible for all that was weak, defiant, or negative in them. I’ve known people who held one bad incident in their life responsible for everything bad that has occurred ever since — as if this sob story was their personal trump card with which they could turn the blame whenever they couldn’t admit responsibility for their own failures in life. When you proclaim that your problems are a direct result from incidents rooted in your past, your argument gets weaker every day. It’s true that everyone needs recovery time to heal from painful or traumatic life experiences, but they aren’t to be used as a lifetime pass for making excuses.

*Some people don't have anything in their daily lives therefore no future plans , no expectations and no hopes as well..

Owning a Laptop

dugay najud ko nangandoy nga maka laptop, naka idea ko sa mga movie nga when actors and actresses plays to have one nya they can do what want having laptop like for personal diary like blogging and posting or saving some important documents... hihihi karon naggamit ko og laptop nindot kaau ang feeling lingkod2x lang sa sofa.. nya naay personal computer sa top sa akong lap.. char murag korek... hehehe try2x lang suya ko!!! unta naa pud ko oi... as soon as possible hehehehe sige bye....

bahalag magkina-unsa

i will let myself drowned to life's obstacles, this is too much. kung unsa man gani ni ugma then pagbuot nani sa Ginoo tanan this is what He planned for me this is what is written in His book of life. if it is good then i thank you Lord or if bad then i guess myself will drowned to this bad fate i have.

what's in store for me?

1 day to go orientation na namu sa acs, to days to go birthday napud nako, but im much more thrilled sa orientation unya ra na ang birthday i don't see any reason to celebrate it and have some party2x kinda like, unless it will give me a reason to celebrate, i mean that i need to be sure beforehand the acs, still has doubts kung mao na ba jud ni. mixed emotion kaau, excited but i'm holding it back dili ko gusto masuhong, life is so playful my fate is shaking, lots of down times and i don't want it to happen to me again this time because i feel like i'm gonna lose my life. please help. crossing fingers again... don't let me down this time ohhh life... oh God!

i wonder what's in store for me in this company... i wish the best of this.. and i hope everything is in place. i need to pursue this.. i need this so much.. whatever are the challenges i need to take heart, to be calm need to have presence of mind to be strong and firm.

i need to earn a living
i need to get a life
i need to live!

so help me God.

is this it?

i don't need hassles please... it's too much for me to take this time being so preoccupied with life's dilemma, what i need is an easy way out, so if this is it and this is now for real then i wil be so much grateful about it if not and still has a lot of hassles then i will go back wandering where i am hiding and think that God made me so much to be so unlucky. Well, anything goes for tomorrow, i need to be myself need to step up a little and hope that everything goes so well. In case not, then reality is too much to take. sigh again and again

and i quote,

“He who finds himself, loses his misery.” - Matthew Arnold

i should remind myself and better understand the following so as not to be a miserable person, what you feel why you feel and why you behave as you behave or no longer have to behave that way

http://www.selfcreation.com/self.htm
http://www.ecst.csuchico.edu/~yasalde/selfawareness.html

the so called "seven sins"

i took a view from multiply's new customized theme entitled "the seven sins". it hits me like a dart and i learned from it exactly enumerating the so called sins at the header of the page as follows: LUST, SLOTH, ENVY, PRIDE, AVARICE(greediness), GLUTTONY & ANGER. whoooahhh! this is really surreal and i'm about to count how many do i recently have from the most to the least sin. I've got a plenty of sloth, a huge pride, i guess a little of envy, and some anger and some avarice.

now i'm aware i've got 80-90% of these seven sins, i guess i need to let go and refrain from these type of sins, but where and how do i start when all we have is a sinful world full of temptations that pushes us to sin?

choose wellness, have a balanced diet

ASSESMENT
Height: 5'1" or round off to 5'2" (hehehe)
Weight: 45 kgs/ 99-100 lbs
ideal weight is (44.9-55.6kg)
Age: 25 F
BMI: 19.0
Physical Activity: Light
Total Energy Requirement(Calorie per day): 2000 kcal

MY WELLNESS GOAL
* i would like to gain weight by (5 kg) exactly no more no less

THE FOOD PYRAMID



EXERCISE
30 mins. to 1 hour walking

MEAL PLANNING RECOMMENDATION


* 2-3 glasses nido full cream/day
* 1 tsp. oil/sugar
* 1 pc proteins (e.g fish, chicken or 1 match box size pork)
* 1/2 cup vegetables
* 1 pc/slice fruits
* 1 cup camote 2 slice bread 1/2 cup corn 1/2 cup rice 1/2 cup noodles
* 8 glasses of water/day

whatever are these....

i woke up this morning noticing glenn explored again our new bought samsung digi cam guessing that maybe he noticed the big difference of quality between the samsung and sony camera, trying to convinced himself that samsung has the better quality in which obviously sony is much better. yes, after having our sony digi cam before in 2005 which his father bought, i find no other camera better than sony brand compared to our family's canon digi and to our samsung digi right now.

as random things happen i come to think of "maybe we'll buy another digi cam" i opened it up to him but unlike me (an instant buyer) glenn's not. being a person what you called in bisaya (sige2x daun, hala2x daun dili maghuna2x) considering all the facts with all glenn's excuses, made it clear that buying another one is a big NO! but the more i'm being restricted the more i pushed of doing it that in the end leads me in despair, and it did happen. i supposed to prepare him brunch but i didn't not unless he'll buy me one, even though he kept reminding me to cook but he didn't put a weight on it pushing me that would make me think it's my responsibility to prepare food for him because he knew that i would ask and exchange for it (like a new camera) in which affirmatively it's a NO already to him.

i know i'm too much, too much being me. maybe like a criminal a sinner. yes this is so unbecoming, but still can't help it but to shut my mouth in despair. (ngluod-luod pa jud bisag dili sakto bisag walay ikapalit) yes and i know this is not right. well i shut up and trying to compose myself and clear things... isn't it much better? after all these it made me think "nga unta naa palang ko kwarta pagpalit jud ko dili ko mu demand but wala jud ko kwarta, nga unta kung naa pako work naa unta to sa una but due to some fortuitous nawad-an kog work, "but nganu dili manka mu work?" i said to myself secretly... "ang2x nawad.an na og self confidence og gana and all that reasoning... hopefully naa untay work na mudawat na nako oi (specifically my preferred company) and then they'll see my potential og wala nay chi chi burichi pa nga process, kanang dili naka lisud-lisuron og i torture" Yes! with all these things, this really came to mind then and there.

Ironically, after all those mind drifters... someone called me on the phone the same number who used to call me 3 weeks or 2 weeks ago for my final interview that i turned down, ACS company. the company i applied for data entry in which my first interview was conducted by my college classmat, which i don't feel good about it, thinking that it don't went well and i don't think that i really pass as he is like torturing me in the interview letting me realize what an unclear person i am and what a bad employee i was, but even that, i still convince him that if i'll get hired i'll be an asset to the company considering that i'm a fast typist and when i work i'm really particular with the quality and the quantity of work. even though i always get late to work and does absences in which i promise myself secretly that when this company hires me "magtinarung nako" ky this is my last chance and hoping that whatever decisions i made glenn will support all the way not leaving me anywhere or like if he leaves he will surely promise he will always be there for me and supports me.

not so much more....

well yes they called me again and i learned that as we talk the lady doesn't call me for the final interview anymore but for the orientation, in which i'm happy about but to her mistake it saddened me, it was all wrong after all their is no orientation to happen about, i wonder if it is purposely made. as i will recall it for you, i don't respond to their call for final interviews because i don't think i need one because without the final interview and directly to the orientation, i could assure them that i will really work hard for myself and for the company since i need the money (so badly need it), yes that was a mistake invitation "did they do it purposely? just to make it sure nga ako gusto ky dretso na orientation or nanimaws lang sila nako of not going there and responding to there final interview call? ambot wala nako kabalo" but this is so so so ironic, karon pajud nahitabo considering that i'm having a cold war with glenn with that camera thing, that i need the money, the work, and the independence... haayy ka ironic jud.

it's like fate is playing with me or God is playing with me. as much as i hope for this, i'm trying not to, kay ma despair lang ko which leads me nga mawad.an og gana or hope sa kinabuhi. remember! it was a mistake call, i guess they still call me for final interview, i'm not yet clearly hired, they said they'll call me next week for the job offer or maybe namakak sila siguro ila lang ko gipaasa nga manawag sila nya dili diay to or dili diay to job offer but final interview diay to.. nanimaws siguro sila ba, ambot jud wala nako kabalo.

whatever it is....

it's killing me, somewhat excites me, like i'm getting a nervous breakdown, a mild stroke, a heart attack. what the?!! ugggghhhhh. my heart beats fast my mind is thinking things over and over again for this matter. i need to compose myself convincing this is just all nothing.

whatever it is...

maybe i will not settle for anything less as what a friends' advice is. well i just hope that this is it, this is really is it, that if they'll call it's already the job offer for the requirements and not some kind of interviews for qualifying anymore, hoping that my fate will not let me down. but when they call and it happens that it is for final interview? certainly this time i'll go there and i'l do the best that i can do and be the best that i can be so help me God and hopefully hoping for the best outcome and if its not a good outcome? or if they'll turn me down? i guess my life's fate is really like this maybe i'm not that good enough for anybody else and maybe they think i deserve less. This is so depressing, i know i'll say to you Lord "ikaw na bahala oi, i know i'm not a good child siguro i deserve this siguro i don't deserve a chance again anymore in this world." this is... if and when they will call me again nextweek by monday or wednesday as they promised. or maybe if they will not call maybe they just trick me or nanimaws lang sila or maybe dili najud muhatag og other chance si Lord. i know Lord kadaghan na sila nanawag i know chance nato nako but gusto ko sure ball.. well, IKAW na bahala Lord.


anyways.... duhhhhhh!!! whatever are these things bisag unsa oi. kung manawag sila usab maau.. kung dili... "i accept nalang Shiela nga gibinuanggan raka or dili naka tagaan og chance, after nimu sila g.turn down?" kung manawag sila og muingon nga job offer and for requirements? mas maau horah! thank you so so much and thank you so so much Lord. or kung for final interview gani, hala sige go nalang ko bringing the best of everything, kung madawat miracle jud ni Lord and i thank for it, kung dili i should accept nga mao najud ni gihatag nga fate sa akong kinabuhi because i'm not that perfect though and i need to accept nga maybe dili nako tagaan og chance... basta oi...

whatever

whatever

whatever

are these......

a friends advice

out of being depressed still i hangout to a place i used to hangout, that is being in front of a computer browsing through the internet searching what it has to offer just to fill the boredom and enlighten the day. then i noticed that one of my friends is online. so what i did was, i called him at home. we made some chika2x the same nonsense things we talk about like we used to in high school. this person whom i talked to is fund of going out as a matter of fact as we talk, he invites me to go out then and there eat, hangout and talk. due to being lazy i refused, imagine! being lazy caused me of not taking a bath for i guess 3 days. (uh! gross..) but as he beg me irritatingly, well, he made me say yes. i prepared for about 30mins and then right after he came, we went to one of our place's hangout eat and talk. just as he sees that i need someone to talk to, he let me open up myself and my concerns. as i did, this person listened and gave his best advice/s. to summarize all of his advices i need to bullet it below.

* that i need have this self-awareness
* after being aware, i need to make resolutions
* and to stick to my resolutions

As he shares a lot, i realize that he is right guessing that its not the problem that is the problem but the problem is just me. He thinks that i'm not the Shiela that he used to know when we were in our adolescent stage (that because a lot has happened) but he believes that i could become more of what was happening to me right now that i could do better despite of everything. that whatever the criticisms or being not supported by a love one is not a hindrance, because he said if you will let it, then it starts to bring you down and in the end it's still you who will suffer and not them (this is based on his experience) this makes me think that whatever you want in life you need to go for it whatever happens whatever are the criticisms. That whatever happens in the past is in the past and that i should not make it ruin my future as he said. these things i came up to conclude that i most blame others for what happens to me that in the first place i am responsible of my own actions. i know i'm depressed but i need to resolve this! as he said. WAKE UP! WAKE UP SHIELA! you're not just the one with all the problems in the world many are those worst than yours, don't make excuses for yourself WAKE UP! don't let fear of being judge get in the way, maybe you think of it because your somewhat a judgmental person yourself and you sometimes made stupid mistakes but that doesn't mean your a criminal.

this is mind over matter. i need to keep sane and be alive, i need to make resolutions and live.

my relationship tracker

i feel down

site nga gisudlan
my little radio kauban nako always sa pagmuni2x (sponsored by: gts)

nadala pag pa cute samtang gi-boringan
orig face sa gi.boringan. suwang ang saksi


today is sunday, march 8, 2009 supposed to be church day but as usual never been to church for maybe months and there's this 2 celebrations: benneth's 26th birthday and roylyn's baby shower. obviously i'm invited. i don't feel like going there but out of friendship and respect i went there, but almost the whole day i feel down and bored. being there still doesn't wash away my boredom.

much more when i went home... added to my boredom?! irritation and disgust (you know who you are... xoxo... LOL mga taw nga gibitok so suffocating) even when they're gone these negative feelings still remains... duh! alimuot. samok ang balay. labad labad labad and boring boring boring. i hate feeling this way it's soooo laay and mingaw kaau. i'm bored. i want someone or something to cheer me up! huhuhu.. Have u noticed my blog puro negative og sayings to cheer me up. Hopefully next time nindot napud unta ako ibutang dri oi.... Hopefully.

self reminder

NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, GET DRESSED UP AND SHOW UP! THE BEST IS YET TO COME

my known confessions to you

It's been long since i'm feeling this, that... "I'm so much tired of you! really tired".

my stupid idea

This morning, I came to think of why certain people hardly recognize where they came from and what they were used to be but still able to get what they want and taste lifes success, in contradiction to the saying that goes... "Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay di makakarating sa paroroonan". But on the other way... How can a person move on in life, live it fully and be successfull in anyway if they still dwell on the past?! As it is said in the famous quote "You can't move forward if you keep dwelling on the past". This is so contradicting and so hilarious isn't it.

But i tell you, this is somewhat happening to me. I keep looking back & dwell on the past that's why maybe because I wasn't able to taste success in life and haven't live it fully and I notice certain people who are successful yet they forget to recognize from where they really belong first hand.

Well, this is just one of my most stupid ideas afterall. I still need to gather exact evidences from others.

bisag unsa lay nahuna-hunaan

Way lingaw the whole day... Killing the time through browsing the net, joining community sites, chatting, games, reading blogs and making blogs. Nakakuhag idea from a friend to buy bathroom scale. I made glenn bought it, we searched for the cheapest one, so naabot mi ug tinuok sa Gaisano, Novo ug Prince Warehouse. Ang kataw.anang na topic sa Prince: "Angelus - 6pm Prayer" since ni pause ang mga taw sulod sa Prince for the prayer kami ky padaun lakaw, and i remember what he told me before and i tell it to him about sa iyang maestro nga niingon: "nganu daw mu pause ang mga taw sa mall kung mag angelus nga maglakaw man gani ang taw mag.ampo kung mag prosisyon". Hahaha sakto sad! Pagka pilosopo!...

But anyway... Nakapalit jud mi og bathroom scale yehey! but it cost too much for glenn. (sad face)

lichugas

atay kaau lichugas ako ray gikabuangan, dili ta klaruhon. unsang hitaboa nga nikuyog ka nakog uli dri? para ako mapasinganlan nga nadaot siya sa iyang pagskwela? mura kog buang nag.apas2x ako ray gkabuangan aron makita unsa kadako akong gusto niya

Life's Guide: Ipahinumdum sa Kaugalingon

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner

like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less

food that is manufactured in plants.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.

6. Play more games.

7. Read more books than you did in 2008.

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk,

smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what

their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.

Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with

His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate

others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.

Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away

like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your

friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:

40. Please repost this if you believe this is more worthy information than posting personal surveys

naglibog ko

Mutuig na kapin nga ako walay trabaho (dormant), daghan kaau kung i-rason e.g. walay gana (pagana-gana lang), walay salig sa kaugalingon, tapulan, pul.anon og uban pa. Sa tinuod lang, nabalaka pud baya ko aning akong kalaki labi na magtan.aw ko sa uban nakong mga kaila nga napahimutang na sa ilang pagpamuyo pero sa tanang panahon mura rakog wala. Pero hangtud kanus.a ko magsigeg kabalaka unya walay ginahimu, akong edad nagkaanam na og kadako muabot ang panahon nga maabot nako sa age limit og unom (6) kabulan nalang.
Wala jud koy mahimu ani nanginahanglan au ko og paglamdag og giya sa Ginoo, sa akong pagkatapulan unsa kahay resulta ani, sa akong pag.unya2x maunsa kaha ni. Ginoong Jesus giyahi intawn ako sa akong pagpadayon og pagpakigbisog aning akong kinabuhi bisan paman sa akong mga kalapasan Ginoo kaluy-i intawn ako nga kaning akong kalibog masulbaran.

lesson for the day

"Nasa huli ang pagsisi" as what the tagalog quote says. This is in relation to the time nga nadawat na unta ko'g trabaho sa manila pero wala nako gi grab ang opportunity. Buanga nako oi sayang kaau to dah! sayanga jud oi unta mu one year na unta ko ato nga trabaho karon, sayanga jud oi. Nganu jud la ko to gikuha? (maoy akong dako nga pangutana, nakalimot man gud ko sa rason) Dili ko gusto nga i blame nako ako self (og nakahinumdum ko). Mao diay, kay pait kaau akong kahimtang didto sa manila. The fact nga nakipuyo rako nga dili jud nako kagustuhan in the first place ky lahi rajud ang duha ka managtiayon (tawgon ta lang sa ana nga term) nga mupuyo sa balay sa ginikanan ky complikado. Oo wala pako kaagi ani nga kahimtang but instinct na nako og based on the experience sa ubang tao og the fact nga ang ginikanan og pamilya sa akong kabahin sa kasing2x kay (for sure) wala jud totaly ka angay nako, nakasulti og dili mao sa akong kabahin sa kasing2x in which ni aggree pud ako partner nga gi betray jud ko sa luyo. Napaitan kaau ko sa akong kahimtang pait pait pait. Og ang mga taw dri run sa amua noh?! tandogonon kaau gamay nga sabod mgluod2x daun og magbuot2x sad mura gyug mga tag.iya og mga maguwang pa nako. LOL! hoi no offense ha based on what i noticed lang ni. Kever raman sad ko bisag lisud kaau i handle paubos ta ky nakipuyo ra raba ta.
Labels: 2008 (Monday) 4:17pm, May 26