A sad story with A Happy Ending

Why do wives hang on to their husbands even when they have caught them fooling around? Is it because of pride? Or they may still be in love, or are clinging to the hope that things would eventually work out? We had a conversation with such a woman, and her tale is as touching as it is remarkable. It is a story of courage and conviction. And the best part is she had the last laugh. We shall call her Tessie.

You knew that your husband was fooling around. Why didn't you leave him?
Because I loved him.

Were you not hurt? Are you a "dakilang martir'?
I was hurt but I am not a martyr. It bothered me but it did not affect me. There were also the children that I had to consider. This is not an excuse for being a martyr as some feminists might accuse me of. When I said my marriage vows, I had two responsibilities; one was to my husband, and the other was to the children we planned to have. I didn't want my children to come from or grow up in a broken home.

Were you not jealous of the other woman?
Woman? There were women, not just one woman!

So, were you hurt more because there were many of them? Or is the pain the same whether one or many?
The pain is only in the beginning. It did hurt a lot. If not, it meant then that I was not in love with him. But as time went by, it didn't cause me any pain anymore.

Why? Did you finally fall out of love with him?
I still love him but I was not anymore in love with him. We still lived together but he started to drift away from me emotionally. He had his own other life and I had mine. I guess the pain was not that harsh because I knew that he didn't love all the other women. He may have fallen out of love with me but he didn't fall in love with any of the others. (sighs) Yes, there was pain at the start because I suspected he was in love with another woman. But as time went by, I realized that there were many women but he was not in love (with them). (But) he was still a good father to our children. God knows how I tried to make our marriage also work. Then the children grew up. So, I started to have my own life not because he was not there by me emotionally but because my children had their own lives. They were married and I became a grandmother. I had my first grandchild. I then thought that now, I could start living my own life. I found happiness in other things in life.

You never feared that hew would leave you one day?
No, because he did have a pattern of having one woman after another. I also knew that he was having an affair with several women simultaneously. It was just sex for him.

Didn't that hurt you?
It's all a matter of attitude. For me, his women were prostitutes. I don't mean prostitutes, like street walkers. They were decent women: one was his secretary, another was a good friend of mine, and so on. They were educated women but for me they were like prostitutes as in rendering him sexual services that he constantly needed. I guess they all hoped to get paid back with his love but it never happened.

But didn't the mere fact that he was having sex with the other women bother you at all?
No. His women came and went. We had our children and that was my happiness. I am the kind of woman who had sex to procreate and not to satisfy my animal instincts. My children gave me more satisfaction than the I act I had to go through to create them. Please don't misunderstand me, too. I am not the religious type. I just knew my priorities. I could have given him the sex he needed but it was obvious at a certain point our marriage that he needed something new. For him, I was like a broken-down car and he needed new and faster cars.

You never found him to be extra baggage? You are wealthy and so is your husband. You could have left him.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when he told me I could have my own extramarital affairs.

Yeepeee! Isn't that great! You could also eat your cake now, too!
No. This was when I finally put my foot down.

Why? He was being honest and fair.
Sex was never my priority so I never thought of getting even with him my having affairs. He may not have loved me anymore, which was fine. For me but when he told me to have sex with other men, that was the end of the line. I didn't want to be like him. He did things to me that would have made other women dump their husbands from the very beginning. But I still had respect for him as the father of our children, not as a husband, and that was my choice. But when he even entertained the slightest thought that I should have sex with other men, he had no respect for me anymore because it was his choice, not mine. I was a happy woman because everything I did was of my choice. I was not insulted because he entertained this thought, but I was annoyed he didn't realize that everything I did was of my choice. I finally asked him to leave the house.

What happened then? Did he remarry?
I set him up in one of our houses. He still had one woman after another. But we were finally physically separated.

Were you happier? What happened?
He had a stroke, got semi-paralyzed and I took him back to take care of him again.

Huh?
I know what you're thinking of that I still loved him. Yes, I did love him but just like the love I have for my children. Nothing sexual. Maybe I should have been a caregiver? (laughter) After several months, I realized that he was still unhappy so I told him to move back to his place again and we both agreed. I knew he was happier there. No big deal on my part. We were both happy.

And then?
He then had a heart attack and died. I was still close to his family. His parents passed away a few years after. I have never remarried and I still enjoy the life I have.

Do you consider yourself lucky that he never remarried despite the kind of arrangement you had?
I was a very happy person despite his behavior. I understood him and myself very well.

Oh I know where you're coming from, but...
You know what the biggest surprise was? (After they died) my parents-in-law did not leave anything even for our children. We were not in their will. It was not like I expected something from them. We did not need it and neither did my children. It was all given to my brothers- and sisters-in-law who gave me the equal and fair share of my husband. That made me cry. I guess my parents-in-law thought that I would remarry one day but I haven't and I don't intend to. I have always been a happy woman and still am a very happy woman.

Glad to hear that. I know of many women who think they are nothing without a man.
Well, I am not (like) anyone of them. Before I married and when I was married and even after my husband died I always counted my blessings, and not my blessings with a man or the blessings a man gave me. Those where never counted scores in my life.