whatever are these....

i woke up this morning noticing glenn explored again our new bought samsung digi cam guessing that maybe he noticed the big difference of quality between the samsung and sony camera, trying to convinced himself that samsung has the better quality in which obviously sony is much better. yes, after having our sony digi cam before in 2005 which his father bought, i find no other camera better than sony brand compared to our family's canon digi and to our samsung digi right now.

as random things happen i come to think of "maybe we'll buy another digi cam" i opened it up to him but unlike me (an instant buyer) glenn's not. being a person what you called in bisaya (sige2x daun, hala2x daun dili maghuna2x) considering all the facts with all glenn's excuses, made it clear that buying another one is a big NO! but the more i'm being restricted the more i pushed of doing it that in the end leads me in despair, and it did happen. i supposed to prepare him brunch but i didn't not unless he'll buy me one, even though he kept reminding me to cook but he didn't put a weight on it pushing me that would make me think it's my responsibility to prepare food for him because he knew that i would ask and exchange for it (like a new camera) in which affirmatively it's a NO already to him.

i know i'm too much, too much being me. maybe like a criminal a sinner. yes this is so unbecoming, but still can't help it but to shut my mouth in despair. (ngluod-luod pa jud bisag dili sakto bisag walay ikapalit) yes and i know this is not right. well i shut up and trying to compose myself and clear things... isn't it much better? after all these it made me think "nga unta naa palang ko kwarta pagpalit jud ko dili ko mu demand but wala jud ko kwarta, nga unta kung naa pako work naa unta to sa una but due to some fortuitous nawad-an kog work, "but nganu dili manka mu work?" i said to myself secretly... "ang2x nawad.an na og self confidence og gana and all that reasoning... hopefully naa untay work na mudawat na nako oi (specifically my preferred company) and then they'll see my potential og wala nay chi chi burichi pa nga process, kanang dili naka lisud-lisuron og i torture" Yes! with all these things, this really came to mind then and there.

Ironically, after all those mind drifters... someone called me on the phone the same number who used to call me 3 weeks or 2 weeks ago for my final interview that i turned down, ACS company. the company i applied for data entry in which my first interview was conducted by my college classmat, which i don't feel good about it, thinking that it don't went well and i don't think that i really pass as he is like torturing me in the interview letting me realize what an unclear person i am and what a bad employee i was, but even that, i still convince him that if i'll get hired i'll be an asset to the company considering that i'm a fast typist and when i work i'm really particular with the quality and the quantity of work. even though i always get late to work and does absences in which i promise myself secretly that when this company hires me "magtinarung nako" ky this is my last chance and hoping that whatever decisions i made glenn will support all the way not leaving me anywhere or like if he leaves he will surely promise he will always be there for me and supports me.

not so much more....

well yes they called me again and i learned that as we talk the lady doesn't call me for the final interview anymore but for the orientation, in which i'm happy about but to her mistake it saddened me, it was all wrong after all their is no orientation to happen about, i wonder if it is purposely made. as i will recall it for you, i don't respond to their call for final interviews because i don't think i need one because without the final interview and directly to the orientation, i could assure them that i will really work hard for myself and for the company since i need the money (so badly need it), yes that was a mistake invitation "did they do it purposely? just to make it sure nga ako gusto ky dretso na orientation or nanimaws lang sila nako of not going there and responding to there final interview call? ambot wala nako kabalo" but this is so so so ironic, karon pajud nahitabo considering that i'm having a cold war with glenn with that camera thing, that i need the money, the work, and the independence... haayy ka ironic jud.

it's like fate is playing with me or God is playing with me. as much as i hope for this, i'm trying not to, kay ma despair lang ko which leads me nga mawad.an og gana or hope sa kinabuhi. remember! it was a mistake call, i guess they still call me for final interview, i'm not yet clearly hired, they said they'll call me next week for the job offer or maybe namakak sila siguro ila lang ko gipaasa nga manawag sila nya dili diay to or dili diay to job offer but final interview diay to.. nanimaws siguro sila ba, ambot jud wala nako kabalo.

whatever it is....

it's killing me, somewhat excites me, like i'm getting a nervous breakdown, a mild stroke, a heart attack. what the?!! ugggghhhhh. my heart beats fast my mind is thinking things over and over again for this matter. i need to compose myself convincing this is just all nothing.

whatever it is...

maybe i will not settle for anything less as what a friends' advice is. well i just hope that this is it, this is really is it, that if they'll call it's already the job offer for the requirements and not some kind of interviews for qualifying anymore, hoping that my fate will not let me down. but when they call and it happens that it is for final interview? certainly this time i'll go there and i'l do the best that i can do and be the best that i can be so help me God and hopefully hoping for the best outcome and if its not a good outcome? or if they'll turn me down? i guess my life's fate is really like this maybe i'm not that good enough for anybody else and maybe they think i deserve less. This is so depressing, i know i'll say to you Lord "ikaw na bahala oi, i know i'm not a good child siguro i deserve this siguro i don't deserve a chance again anymore in this world." this is... if and when they will call me again nextweek by monday or wednesday as they promised. or maybe if they will not call maybe they just trick me or nanimaws lang sila or maybe dili najud muhatag og other chance si Lord. i know Lord kadaghan na sila nanawag i know chance nato nako but gusto ko sure ball.. well, IKAW na bahala Lord.


anyways.... duhhhhhh!!! whatever are these things bisag unsa oi. kung manawag sila usab maau.. kung dili... "i accept nalang Shiela nga gibinuanggan raka or dili naka tagaan og chance, after nimu sila g.turn down?" kung manawag sila og muingon nga job offer and for requirements? mas maau horah! thank you so so much and thank you so so much Lord. or kung for final interview gani, hala sige go nalang ko bringing the best of everything, kung madawat miracle jud ni Lord and i thank for it, kung dili i should accept nga mao najud ni gihatag nga fate sa akong kinabuhi because i'm not that perfect though and i need to accept nga maybe dili nako tagaan og chance... basta oi...

whatever

whatever

whatever

are these......